1) Not Recognizing her Safety Level
A mistake many men make when they talk to women is not recognizing a woman’s natural need to feel safe and comfortable. Since women are usually not as strong physically as men, it puts them in a more vulnerable position when it comes to dealing with strangers they meet. So naturally, they have a natural barrier or “bitch shield” that protects them from potential harm.
Many men get upset because they think “hot” women act “bitchy” around strangers. Well, try walking down the street as a 5’6″, 120 pounds girl in high heels and miniskirt with bigger men leering at you from all angles. See if you’d still want to have that small talk with every guy who approaches you.
Probably not!
So how can you make a woman feel safe when you’re talking to her for the first time? Here are a few ideas:
- Be introduced by a third party
- Dress and groom yourself well
- Be VERY good at something so that you have SOME social proof
- Have strong, confident body language
- Have good eye contact
- Be congruent with your actions
- Avoid sensitive topics
- Talk about things she’d enjoy talking about
- Let her see you interact with other women
- Be the life of the party (once again, social proof)
- Don’t have any “strange” body language or behaviour
- Approach a woman when she’s in a group first
2) Acting Like She’s a Goddess
Remember my theories on “up-dating”, “down-dating”, and “romantic respect”> Most people want to date someone who’s the “best” person they can get. (“Best” doesn’t necessarily have to be about money or looks. It can be about values, interests, and beliefs too.) So if you start treating a woman like she’s a Goddess and better than you as soon as you meet her, OF COURSE she’s not going to be very interested in you!
3) Not Being Congruent With Your Objectives
Many men make the mistake of acting incongruent when they meet a woman they like. For example, they may
approach a woman because they want to date her, but they will “pretend” all they want is to be a friend. Some guys are so great at doing this that they will lie to themselves and their friends about their true intentions. They will say they are not interested…but secretly hope that the girl will somehow start chasing after them. (This way, they won’t be any chances of rejection or embarrassment!)
My opinion is that you should search for your feelings and be honest with yourself. If you are talking to a woman because you want to get into her pants, at least be bold and admit it to yourself. Go flirt with her and let it be known through your eye contact that you find her very attractive. Don’t try to hide it. She’ll either flirt back or she won’t.
If you just want to be friends, then act like a friend. If mutual feelings start developing, then start flirting. But don’t pretend you are not interested in a woman while trying to impress her at the same time. It’s incongruent.
4) Trying To Impress Her
Trying to impress a woman is probably the worst way to get her to like you. Don’t suck up to her. Don’t tell her about how much money you make or what restaurants you go to. Don’t tell her what kind of car you drive. The only way you should impress her is by letting her observe how confident, calm, and aloof you act in every situation. If there’s actual substance to you, she’ll see it. And if she likes that substance, she will chase after it and not want to let go. Be yourself and let her come to you. If you can’t do that be being who you are, then work on yourself until you can be congruent with yourself and women will still come to you. (Most of the time, all it takes will be a few attitude adjustments. Your actions, behaviour, and body language will adjust naturally!)
5) Thinking Complaining Makes Yourself Look Better
Another mistake many men make is to think that complaining or being negative can make them seem more intelligent. But in reality, most of the time, women don’t care about the things you want to complain about, be it your boss, your car, or the economy.
6) Not Having Confident Body Language
Yes, people DO judge you by your body language. So be a man and have bold, confident body language. Take up space. Have a presence – even if you are quiet. If you need help in this area because you are uncomfortable with your body, workout at the the gym to build muscles and take some Pilates classes to have better posture. You can even take some stage acting training.
7) Not Knowing what Interests Her
A reader who works as a high-class escorts once told me that great call girls know how to spend the first 20 minutes of the “hour” just observing, asking questions, and listening to a client so that they know exactly what he is really looking for.
While you may not agree with my reader’s choice of profession, what she said is actually very good advice. After all, it is a an escort’s job to connect and communicate with a diversity of men with whom they may find NOTHING in common…all within a timeframe of 20 minutes. So how they do it? By listening, observing, and guiding the conversationa carefully.
Make sure you learn about a girl by observing her clothes, bags, and body language before you approach her. And while you’re talking to her, make sure you ask questions and use active listening to find out what interests them the most. Then tell them what they want to hear. (Note: This does not have to be unethical. If a girl is after the wrong things, then she is not the kind of woman you want to date anyway.)
8) Not Realizing Tests are Just Tests
Many men do not realize that women will often throw little verbal tests at them to see if they are consistent. For example, they may insult you slightly to see how you react. Women are great at guessing based on their emotions instead of their logic, so make sure you don’t let these little verbal games take away your confidence!
9) Being Too Afraid to Butt Heads
This is an extension of the last mistake. Many guys are too afraid to disagree with women or to butt head with them directly. Wrong. It’s better to realize you crash and burn than to agree with a woman just for the sake of agreeing with her. If you can’t even be congruent with your own beliefs, how can you expect her to respect and admire you?
10) Not Knowing When to Stop
Finally, you should know when the stop a conversation no matter how great it’s going. Always end up a conversation early before the energy drops too low – unless you are sure you can take things to the next level right away.
With that said, I’m going to end my article right here. (If you want more, you’ll have to buy my “Smart Dating Course“!)
by Marius P
